Dear kindly disposed benefactor, please buy me these things from Amazon

A blog post I’ll keep on hand in the highly unlikely event of meeting a well-disposed benefactor in the early hours of some dimly lit cocktail bar in Barcelona

As an avid consumer of Amazon.com — frustrated by my inability to use it frequently where I live — I’ve also been known to build a few wishlists in my time.

Actually, my Amazon.com wishlist list has morphed into something of an encyclopedia. Unlike its grossly inferior relative Aliexpress (the wish list limit appears to be a miserly five lists), Amazon doesn’t appear to enforce limits as to how many wishlists you can store in your account.

I’ve taken full liberty of this digital generosity — much as I make liberal use of Prime’s next day delivery service and excellent customer service whenever I visit the US.

I have to have at least 100 wishlists spanning all the products that I would like to pick up from the website. I just need … you know… the money to buy them (and to live somewhere they can be easily delivered.)

Putting these together provides me with the kind of vicarious shopping experience that one of my close relatives enjoys by looking up flights online but not actually travelling anywhere for months on end.

Sequestering products into nicely organized list makes me feel as if I’m one step closer to actually owning them even if they languish their unpurchased for years at a time. Thus work the joys of unfettered online consumerism.

Recently, while perusing my wishlist network, I decided to do a little bit of whittling. There were some products so outlandishly expensive that I had to corral them into a separate wishlist which I imaginatively entitled “When I Make It.”

Of course, life is a fickle beast. And there is a chance that I will not amass the staggering wealth needed to fund these purchases. Failing that — as a writer — I fantasize about falling into the good graces of some well-disposed benefactor.

I imagine us drinking absinthe together in the basement of some bar in Barcelona in the early hours of the morning while Estopa plays on repeat in the background.

Then he (or she) turns to me with a flicker of mischief and says “Daniel, you’ve regaled me with such wonderful stories tonight. Surely, there must be something I can buy you from Amazon?”

I then gently push a custom-printed business card into this list across the table. It contains a QR code that redirects to this blog post. And thus I have begun my journey towards owning these things. (In the worse but probably more likely version of this story I fall prey to absinthe’s hallucinogenic properties and go on an ill-advised online spending spree thereby emptying my life savings on unnecessary purchases…)

Anyway, without further a-do, here’s the stuff I need from Amazon. Because their inventory changes so frequently I’m adding screenshots rather than actual products links. But yeah … buy me these goodies please.

Industrial-Grade Luggage You Can Drive Over

As a marketing communications professional, I’ve put together plenty of case studies in my day.

But none have been quite as impressive as those crafted by Pelican which make industrial-grade luggage and hard cases relied upon by search and rescue teams, first responders, and … people that just really like hard-to-break things.

Their product advertising draws upon tales of intrepid travelers who suffered the most unwieldy of fates imaginable but managed to escape with their luggage intact.

One guy was driving up an off round track in remote Africa in an SUV when his Pelican luggage fell off the roof rack. It made it through okay. The other person had the ultimate holiday mishap when his stow luggage unfortunately fell off a yacht and spent some time submerged in water. As happens to the best of us. Fortunately no problems here either.

With those stories in mind, I can only ask who wouldn’t want to own such luggage? Pelican luggage is also so me. Picture standing next to an airport conveyor belt and watching as all the boring Samsonite cases and duffel bags come out. Then your hard case on wheels (with a hand grip) shows everybody who’s the luggage champion.

Black is very much my preferred color. I could also use one more chunky luggage for stow and another to go in carry-on. Thank you much!

Stow luggage — Pelican Air 1615 (Black)

Carry on luggage (1510, black)

A Serious Webcam/Microphone Would Be Great Too

What’s it with webcams and lousy microphones?

Everybody knows that the enterprise market mops up the best tech.

Spend enough on a webcam/mic combo and you won’t have these issues at all.

The good news is that I’ve been carefully keeping an eye on the higher end of the webcam accessories market for quite some time now.

Seeing as we’re going all out here, I didn’t see the point of skimping.

With that in mind, here are a few accessories I’ve selected.

I’d Also Like A Very Serious Looking Speakerphone To Pipe In My Associates With

It’s common knowledge that everybody plotting world domination should have a serious speakerphone on hand so that they can easily hold teleconferences with their minions and other interested parties around the world.

I have a basic Jabra. But seeing as you’re offering to foot the tab, I’ll take something like this.

Keep Me Caffeinated And I’ll Keep Writing

Many an engaged reader has wondered what the magic secret to my prolific online writing is (this isn’t actually the case).

Buy me these and you’ll have your answer.

I suspect these extended release (XR) caffeine products aren’t much good. But you never know until you try.

Bonus: they’re cheap. Pick one up for yourself to buy me more stuff more quickly.

I Need A Search And Rescue Spotlight. Like, A Really Serious One

I don’t know why this product is calling me out from across the internet but it is.

I recently picked up a modestly priced but highly powerful flashlight and it’s been love at first illumination of my entire neighborhood.

I’m also generally into preparedness so this feels like something I should have. I recently bought a few digital car flares from Amazon and they’re amazing.

So yeah … I’m going to need this torch too.

I Want To Start Ordering Drinks From The Bar By Loudspeaker. Help Me Make This Dream A Reality.

I don’t understand why more bar-goers aren’t investing in loudspeakers to yell their drink orders with.

Sitting at the bar waiting for a waiter to take your order just seems to grossly inefficient.

I’m looking for some sort of high decibel system that will amplify my voice so that I don’t have to move and can just yell orders from across a room.

I feel like a decent megaphone is the obvious tool of choice here:

But I’m willing to settle for one of those things that tour guides use:

Should Probably Upgrade My Camera Gear Too

Almost forgot about this one.

I think I’m done with ordering budget-friendly camera equipment.

Time to throw out all the stops. I mean you’re paying, right?

Good wireless systems don’t come cheap.

And some studio lights wouldn’t go amiss:

Speaking of which I would LOVE a jib to call my own:

A motorized slider might also come in handy:

A nicer pair of Etymotics would also be world class!

Last Bits And Pieces

We’re almost there!

Speaking of industrial and ruggedized accessories, I’ve been hankering after a gigantic backpack since … well, it feels like forever.

No less than 100L capacity please:

A portable hammock when I’m feeling burned out form unboxing my latest orders:

Some last ruggedized accessories:

I feel like satellite internet could come in handy at some point too:

Some speakers for the garden would be really great too!

Thank you much!