The complete guide to getting FILTHY RICH as a freelance writer

Are you feeling dejected today?

Trying to shake off a vague sense of tiredness, perhaps?

Ennui as the French call it. Melancholy as the old-timers did. Can’t shake the feeling that you’re stuck in second gear?

Perhaps, dear writer, you’re simply dealing with clients trying to haggle down your rates like they’re buying tomatoes at a Middle Eastern supermarket?

You know how it makes you feel.

Devalued. Dejected. Underappreciated.

Trust me. I’ve been there. And I’m on your side here.

You know you’re worth more than this — a voice in your head keeps saying. And I want you to begin trusting that voice. Because that voice is speaking the truth.

Hell, I know it too. That’s why — against the best advice of just about everybody I’ve ever met — I’m sitting here about to spill the beans on a centuries-old secret of the trade with you, dear internet stranger.

Dreaming of ballin’ in a Ferrari but worrying how your $50 articles are going to add up to enough to pay rent? I thought so. I used to worry about that too.

But before I show you how to get from A (your sucky life right now) to B (untold millions and the kind of life I have) I wanted to get you riled up with some images. Because, ya know, pictures speak louder than words and all that.

I don’t bat an eye when I see this things because it’s all I know now. But you probably take the bus so …..

👇 STUFF THAT COULD BE YOURS IF YOU KEEP SCROLLING 👇

Sports cars:

A super flashy Ferrari

Luxury yachts:

A luxury yacht

Private jets:

A luxury private jet

Insane quantities of beer:

Totally insane amounts of beer

SOOOO much ice cream:

Nachos EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!

Andwho. Enough with the spammy intro and the clickbait.

You want the roadmap I’ve promised.

The secret formula that writers around the world speak of in hushed tones. They call it The Money Printer. Those who know about it guard it jealously from prying eyes.

And today I’m disregarding the advice of my closest advisors and sharing it with the world.

Interest in this blog might be so astronomical that I’ll have to take down this link soon and deprive the world of this great knowledge.

So don’t delay and keep reading — right now!

The Magic Formula To Making It 💵 Rich 💵 As A Freelancer

Bear with me here because this is going to take a bit of work. At least if we’re going to do it right.

It’s vital that you follow all of my steps.

Doing so will guarantee your best chance of hitting it big. Not just small time kinda big. Like CRUISING AROUND IN A GULFSTREAM WHILE POSTING PICS TO INSTAGRAM FROM ONBOARD WIFI kinda big.

Summary version of “the way”. Customer version.

1. Decide Upon Your Origin Story 🧙

So so smart .. and eminently hireable. A common freelancing hook.

I’m going to give you a few options here.

When it comes to creating your Instagram and preparing your course to sell you’re going to want to memorize and stick to this story. YouTube vids are great too particularly if you can make them look like … totally casual. The main thing we’re looking for here is consistency. Say this like … 100 times. Tweet it. Facebook it. Instagram it. Whatever you’re into.

OK so here are (some of) your options:

➡️ The disgruntled former employee (option A):

“I worked as a wage slave for six years in Manhattan. After suffering years of micromanagement, 100 hour weeks, and sucky bosses, I decided that I wanted to start working for myself — and not the man.”

➡️ The prodigy-for-hire (option B):

“I learned Python at three. Java at six. By ten years old I was creating my own algorithms when my friends were playing soccer. The idea of working in an office job has never even appealed to me. Now you can hire me.”

➡️ The wellness fiend (option C):

“When my boss told me that I couldn’t store cucumbers in the staff kitchen I knew that I had to take matters into my own hands. Now I’m free to juice as many times a day as I please. I’m organic. I’m whole. And I freelance.”

SUMMARY: Come up with a good story for why you got into freelancing that’s going to make you sound inspirational in the future.

2. Choose Your Freelancing Narrative 🧙

One of the only open source images I could find of something industrial. Ie work. This is kinda what we’re trying to avoid here

OK guys here’s the really sweet part of this deal.

You’re not going to actually have to do ANY work as a freelancer.

WHAT!?

Yes you read that right.

Okay let me retract that a little.

You’re going to have to do a LITTLE bit of work. But only enough to sound like you know what you’re talking about.

Think of it like creating a minimal viable product (MVP) instead of building … say a whole aeroplane. Think wireframes versus actually coding stuff. Like … something but not very much effort.

All you’re going to need is to undertake enough projects to:

  • Have some anecdotes to bleed into your course / marketing collateral
  • Have a couple of war stories to share. These will help you look humble
  • Be able to namedrop a few past or current clients

You’ll also be able to get up to speed with the basics of what you’re shortly going to be holding yourself out as an expert on (ah I gave away a big teaser there).

Three to six months is probably enough to get this phase of the plan down pat.

SUMMARY: Do actual freelancing work for the bare minimum amount of time necessary to appear vaguely competent to total rookies who really can’t tell their left foot from their right.

3. Begin RELENTLESSLY Sharing Your (Claimed) Income ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE On The Interwebs 🧙

Next, I’m going to present two methods to take things to the next level.

Whichever one you’re comfortable with will depend largely upon which way your moral compass sways:

a) Share how much money you actually earn

b) Grossly exaggerate or invent a number

I love Medium — you’re reading this post on Medium — but it seems to be the ‘in’ place for sharing this kind of material. This is the kind of thing you should be aiming for. Bonus points if you can work a clickbait hook into the title.

You need to start seeding the market with your success story BEFORE hemming out your course

3(B): Begin Doctoring Earning Screenshots And Focus On Making Unverifiable Claims

There are a few really important things to do here:

  • Make sure that your claims are unverifiable. Again if you want to go black hat on this you can doctor screenshots and post them on Twitter. If you want to hide behind confidentiality agreements and NDAs — man, I say that’s totally gravy (you may too!
But if it’s in a screenshot, it’s gotta be true. Right!?
  • Ideally your claimed income should be at least six figures. Earning six figs is like the entry level income to gain credibility and a cult like following in the Western world. Nobody wants to hear about how you made $30K last year. Trust me about this. That’s for poor people.
  • Your income should be positively awe-inducing. Awe and admiration are really important emotions to conjure up here. Cite a number that sounds kind of flabbergasting. Like people can’t believe that a freelance writer could actually join the seven digit club.

Remember: jealousy is an extremely powerful human emotion.

Shakespeare talked about the green eyed monster centuries ago. Do whatever you can to conjure up in order to attract wannabees to the vision of success that you’re modelling.

The best way to do this is to live as ostentatiously as possible.

But that’s not enough. You’re going to have to document your ostentatious lifestyle in the most visible way too.

The best way to do this is to begin tweeting inane platitudes on a visually oriented social network such as Instagram or Tik Tok.

The interior of a private jet

I specialize in ghostwriting so let me help you out there.

Share a photo or video of you inside a corporate jet with your followers. Tweet / write / state some variation of the following to accompany the post:

“Travelling in my private jet across the Atlantic today I remember where I came from and those first clients and those $50 blogs. How far I’ve come! I never stopped believing in myself. And you should too. The journey may be hard. But the destination is totally worth it! #reflection #midair”

Can’t actually afford to live like this?

Never fear. You can rent a fake private jet for a selfie today:

Remember the golden rule. What matters isn’t the substance. It’s the image. You need to be the one who creates that image.

SUMMARY: Relentlessly spam social media with pics of you living the high life and boasts of how much money you make. If necessary doctor screenshots and rent fake airplanes to snap photos in. Big up EVERYTHING along the way. When we get to step 5, you’ll understand why.

4. Stage An Epiphany About How Important Sharing Knowledge Is 🧙

Sharing is caring right?

What’s the point of climbing to the top of the freelancing totem pole if you’re not going to stop to help others lower down?

As before, it’s important that you repeat these affirmations as publicly and widely as possible.

So again we’re talking about a social-led playbook:

  • Facebook streams
  • YouTube
  • Twitter

Hopefully by now your claims about massive wealth have attracted you a few sycophantic followers.

The good news it that you can leverage those people — very soon.

But first you need to share that you want to help others out wherever you can reach the widest audience.

If you’re handy at PR or have access to an effective agency you could try:

  • Getting yourself booked on TV shows
  • Sharing all this on radio

I also dabble in the world of PR. So let me draft you up a couple of quick talking points. Remember to stay on message:

“I went from writing $50 blogs to taking home over $10K every single month.”

“And then one day I thought to myself: but there are so many people who, if only they knew what I had known when I started freelancing, could have got here so much easier. And I didn’t have those resources available to me. But you will be able to soon. Watch this space!”

SUMMARY: Have a very public ‘humility moment’ in which you come down from the high of jetting around the world and decide it’s time to pass on the baton of your knowledge to those less evolved.

5. Start A Course To Monetize Your Narrative 🧙

Get some nice collateral together and you’ll be well on your way to freelancing success!

Before we finally get to the good stuff, let’s just quickly recap to where we are now.

  • We’ve come up with a nice story about how we got into freelancing.
  • We’ve done barely enough work to know the basics and have a few stories worth repeating. If these can be matched with platitudes about the value of hard work than even better.
  • By dissembling as somebody who’s a self-made millionaire we’ve cultivated a loyal following of adoring and dissatisfied masses on social media who want what we have.

True, we haven’t made that much to date. But, dear friend, that’s all about to change.

We need: a COURSE ABOUT HOW TO FREELANCE!

That’s not all we need.

We’re also going to need:

  • Tactics and assets to create a sales funnel.
  • Some very aggressive and high pressure promotional collateral.
  • Some great copywriting that preys upon new freelancers’ sense of insecurity and doubt about the lifestyle they’ve chosen to get into.
  • Some testimonials from former students to provide social proof.

But all that stuff can come in time.

Our course needs a good title and caption.

Some suggestions off the top of my head:

  • How to get rich freelancing in 30 days
  • The quick and easy way to freelancing money
  • Freelance writing for those who like money

Get the course online. Make sure to keep repeating how wealthy you are. And get ready to actually start making the big bucks — for real this time! — while newbie aspiring freelancers click the sign up button! How easy was that?

And guess what?

This cycle, by the way, is self-perpetuating.

Having sold an initial cohort of individuals on the illusion that you’re making tons of dough, it becomes easier to wheel in your next group.

Now you actually ARE making money. And so the circle resolves.

The self-perpetuating cycle of freelance course guru income generation. Graphic: Daniel Rosehill.

SUMMARY: Sell your story that might be fiction by offering a course to lure in those who are desperate to make money. As you REALLY start making money you’ll be able to show off more of your high expense life, thereby creating further validation about your success story and attracting more signups. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle.

And Finally … The Actual Point Of This Post

As you may have guessed, I don’t actually have the secret to freelancing riches to share with you. In fact, nobody does. The closest I’ve come is this: work really hard and ask others for advice.

Here’s the truth:

Many freelance writing courses — particularly those touted by aggressive ‘influencers’ who conjure up images of having accrued enormous personal wealth — are nothing but the latest evolution of pyramid schemes. And those selling them are peddling nothing better than digital snake oil.

You can learn almost all of what you need to know to be successful at freelance writing through freely available web resources.The wiki at a Reddit community for freelance writers is — oddly enough — actually a pretty decent place to start sifting through real information for people not trying to sell courses.

Sometimes those offering them will disclose information about those earnings. Often they won’t. You see, if they’re not selling a dream, they don’t have to convince you about their reality.

The more grandiose the claims and the more aggressively the course promoter tries to convince you that they are extremely wealthy or have made $X freelancing … the more wary you should be.

Thanks for reading.

Oh. And for this you owe me zero dollars.

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Daytime: writing for other people. Nighttime: writing for me. Or the other way round. Enjoys: Linux, tech, beer, random things. https://www.danielrosehill.com

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Daniel Rosehill

Daniel Rosehill

Daytime: writing for other people. Nighttime: writing for me. Or the other way round. Enjoys: Linux, tech, beer, random things. https://www.danielrosehill.com

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