The Ireland-Israel Disconnection Plan: A Harm-Reduction Approach To Foreign Relations With Dublin

The Ireland-Israel women’s basketball game last night. After refusing to shake hands with their Israeli opponents, the Irish team played ball against a backdrop of this advertising. They were also roundly defeated. Back in Ireland, the players were congratulated on their “moral” stance. Screenshot: X.

Following on from the basketball and all that:

1. The mutual closing of embassies between Ireland and Israel should be carried out, ideally with as little fanfare as possible. Israel’s diplomatic staff in Dublin can be quietly rushed onto a flight in the dead of the night to ensure that when the facility is torched to the ground by angry mobs the following morning they’ve made their escape. Israel’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs can then inform the Irish Embassy in Israel that they have accrued the staff of IHNGs (Israel Haters Non Grata) as representatives of the Irish government and sent packing. Through its failure to condemn the spiteful actions of their basketball team last night we can deduce that Ireland’s government condones refusing to shake hands with Jewish athletes. Much as Iran doesn’t have an embassy in Israel, Dublin shouldn’t have a premises here either.
2. Israeli companies who maintain operations in Ireland and create jobs there should get a stern talking to. We might also consider speaking to anybody involved in promoting trade between the two countries. The first list includes Wix and Teva to name only a few. The interviews can follow a template that begins with the following sharp question: “are you f***ing crazy!?” We can take the money we save on the embassy and use it to help defray the cost of relocating these jobs back to Israel. Alternatively we can invest the money in upskilling potential Israeli employees, for example by providing them with free or subsidised tuition in English.
3. The export of goods and services to those parts of Ireland which have approved BDS resolutions should be made illegal. An ever-growing number of Irish local government bodies are formally endorsing BDS against the Jewish State (despite the national government insisting that it is “neutral” vis-a-vis Israel). These include Cork County Council in Ireland which last week voted to include mere support for the Jewish State in the boycott resolution it approved (Cork County Council has banned itself from purchasing from these heinous Zionist entities). As these local governments hate Israel so much we can only assume that they would hate to discover that the CPU chip in their computers was the product of Israeli ingenuity. It is unkind, I suggest, to deprive them of this opportunity to revert to calculating rent due on abacuses or to not flag our noxious presence in the hardware behind their smartphones, tablets, computers, servers, etc. Israel should not stoop to being the first to boycott countries because doing so legitimises BDS. But it is perfectly reasonable, I contend, to eliminate trade with countries that have legally instituted such mechanisms against us.
4. We should not award tenders for business in Israel to companies headquartered in parts of Ireland which have instituted BDS tactics against us. A few potentially affected parties spring quickly to mind. Those who argue that they are being unfairly “tarred with the one brush” should be encouraged to work within their local governments to rescind state-sanctioned discrimination against Israel. We acknowledge with thanks the support of friends of Israel in Ireland. But assert our right to align our foreign policy in reflection of the actions of the Irish government and the views of the majority of its residents. Yes, it’s kind of unfortunate.
5. We should convene a taskforce to study the scope and scale of Irish imports to Israel. We can reasonably predict that things will only get worse and begin preparing for the day when Ireland deems it illegal for every citizen to do business with Israel. After last night, it wouldn’t surprise me if Ireland were to go Lebanon-style on this and ban the mere contact with us noxious Israelis. We should make sure that there are no essential supply chain dependencies with Ireland. This might require localising the production of Viagra or switching those members of our population affected by erectile dysfunction over to Cialis (fun fact: Ireland produces most of the world’s Viagra). We should also expedite the production of a local Guinness clone because Guinness is fantastic.
6. We should proactively monitor developments in Ireland and issue travel warnings to our citizens. Ireland appears to be intent on refusing to tackle anti-Semitism and anti-Israelism. A country which condones refusing to shake hands with Israelis or appear alongside them on a basketball court is not one which any Zionist or Jew should have any willing association with. The failure to condemn this action on the part of the Irish authorities also merits a vote of no confidence in Ireland’s ability to ensure the welfare of Jews and Israelis who may be travelling through it or living there. However under this minimisation framework we hope that bilateral ties will continue to dwindle into something approaching nothingness.

Now, make it happen.